Learned Helplessness

When we experience a traumatic event and we don't know how to get out of it, we learn how to feel helpless. We might carry this feeling of inability along to other occurrences in our life. For example, if you're in a situation of emotional abuse and you know you need to get out, but you feel you have no where to turn, stop and ask yourself if that's true. Sometimes we accept the situation, but continue to be involved in it instead of making a plan to leave. Doubts and anxiety begin to form and we lack the courage because we learned, from the past, that there is no use, no help, no support and no understanding for us. Many of these low vibe feelings keep us from seeking the help and support that is, indeed, available to free us from that situation of abuse.

What we need to do is undo what we've learned. We need to learn helpfulness. The first step is believing in ourselves; believing that we will succeed if we get out. You know, sometimes we make excuses as to why we keep allowing the abuse. We justify the pain, instead of healing and moving away from it.

Its so difficult though. We don't know exactly what's ahead, but if we change our mindset to one that says anything is better than this hole we find ourselves in, its the first step. The second is to make a plan and not allowing ourselves to fall through with it. Take the necessary actions to get the information you need to convince yourself that you are not helpless. Convince yourself that you are stronger than you know. Once you take action, be patient and know that things will work out for you.

Courage, keep your head up, and move forward like everything is going to go as you planned.

The Pain of Commitment is Better than the Pain of Regret

It's hard when we look back and say, "I wish I had done that; I wish I had said this." We could brush it off and say, "Oh well, that's life." But is it? Life is full of opportunities that pass us by; but our fears, worries, comfort, security, etc., hold us back.

Sometimes our lack of commitment keeps us from achieving great potential. We get too lazy, we begin to doubt our reasons for starting, and even forget why it was important.

In an article on Psychology Today, Steven C. Hayes Ph.D. said, "BIG commitments (whom to marry, what career to pursue, etc.) are not purely logical. They are psychological. These choices require that you take your whole self into account, one felt sense at a time."

For example, you go to the gym because you want your body to get more physical activity, instead of getting used to the chair in your cubicle.

So, you go to the gym, and first, it's not so bad. The desire to complete your goal is still fresh. Then a week passes by and you come home exhausted from work. Of course, you think, "I've been faithfully going, but today I'm drained, so it's okay if I stay home." However, your gut, no pun intended, is telling you to get up and push through. You ignore it and stay home.

As you may already assume, it won't be the last time you stay home. What's more, it will most likely lead you to quit the gym overall. Now, this may seem like a story with a bad ending, but it's not. The good thing about this is that it became the first attempt. You dipped your toes in the water, so it's not so bad. You're familiar with it now. Commitment takes practice. Yes, it can be difficult and/or annoying, but if it matters to you, then you keep getting up after the fall.

You get the thought in your head again, "Maybe I should go back to the gym." You do. This, in turn, becomes a bit easier for you to commit once more. Yet, if you had that thought but did nothing about it, then the regret will eventually seep in.

The point of all this is to keep remembering why you began something and to also positively believe in yourself. Don't allow the carnal desires of comfort to bring you down. If the spirit is telling you to get up, and you know it's the best choice, but the "devil on your side" is saying no, then go with what you know is best for you.

Naturally, we know this, but sometimes it's nice to have a reminder or to simply know someone has faith in us. I believe in you (not because I know you personally, but because I know the situation); go be the best version of yourself!

How to Curb Your Judgements.

I’ve learned that most of my problems came from controlling situations and people. Even though, I thought it was for the betterment of the situation, it was really just to make me feel secure. Why would I need to feel secure by controlling or manipulating? Simply because I wasn‘t secure within myself.

If you are feeling the same, be glad; you aren’t alone. The issue here is the fact that we aren’t whole within. We automatically think the outside needs to be whole before the inside can feel whole. The opposite is true. When you are in control of yourself, sure of yourself and ultimately love yourself, it doesn’t matter how the outside is affecting you.

You see, a person who feels peace and love within themselves can be put in a chaotic situation and not be bothered. You understand that you can control the situation by controlling yourself. You choose your battles; you control how you react.

Also I’d like to add that compassion can help curb the judgements as well. By putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, you become unbiased to the situation. This part can be hard because the ego wants to step in, destroy and bring justice; instead rebuild or let go, to bring justice. Ask yourself, if what you believe about the person or situation is true or assumed. If it is true, and not assumed, then really contemplate on whether or not you have behaved in the same manner. Finally, question if you have done this to yourself. Whatever is projected outside is because it is dwelling within.